


Carry On (but better because what could be worse)

by mmel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: CANON DEANCAS, Declarations Of Love, Fix-It, Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon Fix-It, Series Finale, i feel confident writing this because nothing can possibly make that ending worse, if i an amateur writer can write this then shame on you spn, this is how it is done, what the characters deserved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmel/pseuds/mmel
Summary: An alternative finale I choose to carry with me instead of the trashbag we were given. A finale where family don't end in blood, and which has the leads and the family they made along the way get their happily ever after. Also one that makes justice to the themes and the promises of the show so far. What if the road so far actually lead someplace?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Carry On (but better because what could be worse)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [to the family we made along the way](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=to+the+family+we+made+along+the+way).



> I can't describe how hurt I was watching that finale, after 6 years of growing and loving these characters in all their complexity. This is my farewell to them. Not to a show that has consistently queerbated and treated women like expendable trash, but to the characters that this show has somehow managed to flesh out so well they live beyond the show itself. They all deserved better, and especially Dean and Cas. So here I go, I, an amateur writer with very limited skills, offering my farewell the way they made us think it would be. It's not about realism, it's about a story that has offered so many of us comfort, getting what it deserves. This is how I'll choose to remember them, while I will never forgive what the canon gave us. Dean wasn't the only one stabbed in the back that day. But this will be much lighter, much more hopeful. The happily ever after we deserved.

There he was Jack Kline, the child they had practically raised, now being an all powerful omniscient being before them. Jack was God, and Sam, impressed as always, stood there in awe before him. The older brother though was still not satisfied with the way things were. Everything was finally back to normal, people returned to the streets, even Miracle was back and Dean had already made arrangements in his head about where the dog would live and how many bags of dog food he’d have to buy so that half of it doesn’t spoil. Everything was exactly where it was supposed to be but one thing. An open-ended question. A painful goodbye he never got to speak. His whole life Dean Winchester, a self-loathing man, always there for others but himself, emotionally constipated since childhood, since he had to ‘man’ up, become an adult for his brother and the world; that same Dean Winchester once more stood silent, in shock, before the person he spent the past eleven years by, while they gave their life up to save him. 

Castiel, his Cas, the one person in the world that made Dean realize he was more than just a blood thirsty soldier. Coming from Cas who too had similar experiences with their own father, how could he not believe them when they said that the real motive underneath it all had always been love. Dean was always certain that angels were quite literally incapable of any human emotion, and though Cas had challenged that time and time again, to let himself hope that an all powerful celestial being like them could ever love him back, would be too painful to ruin. So, he did what Dean Winchester always does and drunk it down, pushed it far, filling the void with booze, food, and mindless sex. Yet there they were, more human than ever, letting Dean know he was loved and that of all people it was Dean himself who taught them how to do that. That was powerful enough to make him want to do exactly what Cas wanted him to, he was about to live his happy ending.

“So you are… you, you know Him?” 

“Yes, it seems so”

“And what about Amara?”

“She’s in here. We are together, in balance”

“That is-” Sam begun but was soon interrupted. 

“Jack” Dean’s voice almost broke and his eyes were glowing with hope. If Jack was God then-

“It’s not as simple Dean” Jack said “I will try, I want them back more than anything too. But the empty is angry to say the least, and a cosmic entity that can probably match me in power. And it is not pleased with me right now. But it can be reasoned with, at least I’d like to believe. I’ll see what I can do”

Dean, although with a heavy heart, understood that if Jack could simply snap his hands and bring Cas back, he’d do that in a heartbeat. But it wasn’t over yet, there was hope. He’d go on living like Cas intended him to when they selflessly sacrificed themselves to save him. He’d live, no, he’d thrive waiting for them. 

“I trust you kid”

Jack smiled.

“I will forever be grateful to you guys, and to my father, my real father that is” he said smiling “without you I wouldn’t have been the person I am today. Thank you and I promise you I will work for a better world, I will do my best to be the God of the people, no worshipping or sacrifice to appease me anymore. I will do what I do for love, just like you taught me. And all the people that Chuck took out of pure spite, they all deserve a chance to life. They’ll be with you along the way”

Jack seemed to be in peace, and the way he spoke inspired kindness and compassion in the hearts of those who heard him. Kind of like what you’d imagine God to actually be, not a spiteful, angry writer that seeks to control, but a benevolent being, that loved the world truthfully. Something inside Dean wished he wouldn’t go. He didn’t have much time with the kid and felt sorry for lashing out on him so often. He never meant anything he said, the way he never meant all the cruel things he told Cas. It was something inside of him, full of hate and spite, he now slowly started recognizing as this wounded child, always shielding himself against the world. But maybe it was time for him too to move on, to heal and to grow. 

Him and Sam went back to the banker, and a beautiful reunion ensued between Sam and Eileen. It wasn’t long before the two of them got married, and Sam in a beautiful twist started working to remake a kind of men of letters 2.0. Only, now the hunters didn’t seek to kill for the sake of killing, but to help those in need, even monsters that wanted to be saved, a few monsters even joined their cause and lead against evil. Sam made a fierce leader, and everyone was always looking out for their fellow hunters. Dean on the other hand realized that for once he could look out for himself than for others, but he still felt the need to help, to save people, while he recognized hunting for an unhealthy obsession that was always fueled by self-hatred. So, he applied to become a firefighter. And he was good at what he did, he loved that life free of pain and loss at last. 

Every night Dean prayed to Cas, at first those consisted of declarations and as time moved on it evolved into a kind of diary, as if Cas was present, he’d tell them about his day, about Sammy and all the great work he was doing, about what he ate and who he met. He carried Cas with him everywhere, not in a trench coat or some other charm, but with their words ingrained in his heart and on his shoulder, the mark he cherished more than anything, especially now. He was healing, and he did that through love. He may had been the one teaching Cas how to literally love, but in a beautiful turn of events Cas too had taught him how to properly love. And he waited day after day, along family and friends, he waited patiently, when less than a year after Jack’s promise his phone rang. Dean was terrified thinking of the last time this name appeared on the dial end, but he pushed those thoughts away. Hope prevailed. 

“Hello Dean”

It sounded like music to his ears. He had dreamt of this moment so often it sounded less like a surprise and more like a hospitable memory.

“Cas”

Dean had to feel their face, caressing their cheeks, he smiled, tears of joy. This was him, in the flesh.

“Cas” his voice cracked “I-”

But words were too weak in their ability to express the kind of relief he was feeling. Instead he leaned forward still holding onto Cas’ face as if his life depend on it, and touched his forehead onto theirs. A sight of relief ensued by tears of joy. This was it, Jack had made it, and the waiting was over. For the first time in his life Dean felt like he could speak.

“Cas I”

“It’s okay, I know Dean”

“No. You know what man, I need to say this, I need you to hear this like I heard what you had to say to me. A’right?”

Cas’ smiled and gave Dean the opportunity to talk.

“Cas, I, I didn’t know you felt that way”

“It’s okay Dean you-”

“Won’t you let me finish?” Dean smiled wide and looked at him “You and I went through hell together Cas. And I hold all of it dear, the good and the bad. You made me laugh, you made me worry, so much so I ended up being an ass to you, just cause I was scared to lose you again. Cause every time I felt like you were there to stay you left. I lost and I lost you and I want you to know that every time that happened it felt like I was dying myself along with you. Cas you are not some tool that I and Sammy can call upon every time something goes wrong, you are not just manpower for us to carry on hunts, though we have,” he took a deep breath, “I have, treat you that way every so often. Cas you are my friend, you are family, to me, to Sam, to Jack. And I am sorry if I ever made you believe that I didn’t love you back man, cause I have always tried to ignore the signs, I told myself that you could never love me, not like that anyway. That you couldn’t feel that way, ya’know, the human way, but that was me protecting myself like I always do. Because I never felt like I could, no, that I deserved to be happy. You know I hated myself so much I couldn’t let you love me Cas, and I couldn’t let myself do so either. But after what you did, after what you said to me. At the time I was so shocked and terrified. I felt you slipping once again, I was too scared, I was afraid that if I said anything you’d be gone” his voice broke among the tears “you’d leave me again. And then I said nothing and had to live with that. But I am done being silent, you know, I have people that love me. Hell, I have people that love me enough to wilfully go to a dark empty miserable place. And I will be honest with you it took me a while accepting it. I had to sit with your words Cas. I had to find peace in them. And now I have. You too have helped me grow, and, you too have taught me how to love, you, the world, myself. I love you too Cas”

Dean’s eyes were shining coated with tears, and he smiled like he never had before. Wide, brave, hopeful, real. He looked up, not at the ceiling, but as to say thank you. ‘You kept your promise kid. Thank you’ he thought, and his prayer was heard. Now he could start, the first day of his life, paradise on earth, just like Cas had foretold when they run away with Kelly. Him, Sammy, Cas, and all the family they made along the way. Dean has always believed that he would end up dead at some hunt, that that was his destiny. But now he too understood that he deserved way better than that. He deserved to live and to love, and Cas had shown him a way he couldn’t see himself. And that was what love is all about. The kind of love that shows you a way to love yourself and to grow. 

Sam, Eileen, Charlie, Claire, and everyone they had ever loved, ever cared for threw Cas a big welcome party, with plenty of pie, and the bunker was lively, and for the first time in forever it truly felt like home. There were plenty of awkward hugs and laughter all over. Jack took a break from reforming heaven and hell and joined in the celebration.

Dean and Cas found themselves a cosy little cottage by the beach, and while Cas helped Sam and Jack in their respective missions, and while Dean helped the world in his own way, they always met back in their little nest after a long day. Laying on the golden sand, hand in hand, while every once in a while, Sam joined, and every so often he was accompanied by little Dean and Eileen, and they had their beers and they laughed and got sunburns, and fell asleep by the ocean. Carefree and happy. The happy ending, they had convinced themselves they couldn’t have. But Chuck no longer wrote their stories, it was all them.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried so much writing this and I really needed that. I haven't been able to actually cry since the finale aired and properly mourn and this really helped. I hope you enjoyed it and do keep in mind that I am not a native speaker so I apologize for any awkward writing or misspellings.


End file.
